This month in Fifty Plus we hear the voices of men and women who, because they are gay, have an extra layer of concerns as they reach retirement and age into their 70s and beyond.
Writers Alberta Lindsey and Diane Lang interviewed gays and lesbians primarily from central Virginia to hear their perspectives on some of the issues they face as they age. A concern that emerged from many conversations is their inability to be legally married or even, in some cases, recognized as partners for the purposes of financial, health and Social Security benefits.
However, a number of interviewees expressed hope that these restrictions would eventually change, perhaps with a new president or with an increasingly vocal gay boomer population.

Several people mentioned that the young men and women who came out during the 1970s—when it was becoming literally less dangerous to be gay—are now in their 50s and, along with the boomer population in general, are poised to change the way the nation addresses aging and end-of-life issues.
Yet at least two people said they thought that the “gay community” focuses on youth or the “clubbing” experience. These remarks were not included in the articles, but they seem to point to a secondary problem. Perhaps the emphasis on youth—both among gays and in the perception of gay culture by the broader society—is even more pronounced because there’s so little attention being given to the situation of gays and aging.
(Diane Lang interviewed a Tennessee man in his 80s who said, half-jokingly, that once a person gets to be so old, they become asexual in the eyes of others and thus not so worrisome. Unfortunately, a decrease in hostility and rejection doesn’t mean an increase in real support.)

Despite changes in how the broader society regards homosexuality, it is telling that many people contacted for these articles chose not to be interviewed, or asked that their real names not be used because, for example, they had not fully come out and were concerned about reaction from coworkers, acquaintances or caregivers.
The names of both insurance professionals who spoke with Diane are real, and one cautioned us that interviewees who did choose to use their names should consider the small chance of negative repercussions to their health or life insurance coverage.
For the most part, however, the picture is not one of gloom. People find hope in small changes. Robert in Atlanta told Diane that three years ago, he and his partner couldn’t be on the same auto insurance policy. Now they can, and are saving hundreds of dollars. Janet Inwood shared with Alberta Lindsey how glad she was that her partner Donna could discuss questions with co-workers at a nursing seminar on end-of-life issues for gay patients.
Ultimately, despite the extra layers of complexity, if you’re 50 years old, you’re 50 whether you’re gay or straight. As David Toth of Petersburg said, “As more people come to accept us for who we are, they will see that there’s not much difference between straight and gay people.”

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