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Getting Verrry Sleeepy Bedtime Basics Without the Tricks
by Tracy Lewis
I’m a fairly even-keeled person. My emotions don’t fluctuate wildly. I
do get “mildly annoyed” or “a little down” from time to time, but it
takes a huge amount of misery to actually bring me to tears. The
singular exception to this is when my alarm goes off at 5 a.m.
Most mornings when I wake up to the worst sound on earth (my alarm
clock), I feel my eyes well up and I have to fight back gut-wrenching
sobs. All I want to do in the whole world is to sleep just a
little...bit...longer....
What are the consequences of sleep deprivation?
Sleep is one of our most vital human needs. It allows us to take a
little break from whatever craziness we’re experiencing during our
waking hours, so that we can face it all over again the next day. Put
simply, sleep restores us.
Whether we’re adults or children, a lack of sleep affects virtually
every aspect of our lives. It affects our cognitive functioning and our
social interactions with other people.
Sleep deprivation affects us physically, as well. According to a study
conducted by University of Chicago researchers and published in 2004, a
potential link exists between a lack of sleep and the inability to
maintain a healthy weight. A lack of sleep also lessens the quickness of
our reflexes and lowers our immune system’s ability to fight illness.
We all know most of this. We hear it and read about it all the time, yet
many of our nation’s children are chronically sleep deprived.
Behavioral Consequences
Children have their own set of issues related to lack of sleep.
According to Susan Taylor, a family educator for the local organization,
Commonwealth Parenting, “Children must have plenty of sleep to grow and
behave. If your child is not getting the recommended amount of sleep for
his or her age, seek a professional opinion. A lack of sleep can
contribute more to behavior problems than most of us realize!”
As anyone who has ever spent five minutes with a sleep-deprived child
can confirm, it isn’t a pleasant experience. The child’s ability to
manage difficult emotions takes a nosedive. Many become enormously
argumentative and just plain miserable to be around! One of my children
(who shall remain nameless) turns practically maniacal when even a
couple of hours of sleep are missed.
Cognitive Consequences
Pediatrician and father of four Dr. Alan Greene writes on his website,
drgreene.com, that children who do not get the sleep that they need are
more likely to become depressed and have poor self esteem.
Greene also says that children who are not getting adequate rest
generally perform more poorly in school than their well-rested
counterparts. The ability to function cognitively and perform complex
tasks suffers when children are tired. Even if they can manage to
motivate themselves to perform, working up to their maximum potential is
next to impossible. A tired child will spend all of her energy focusing
on keeping her poor little head from hitting the desk and will have
little left over for learning.
How much sleep do children need?
The amount of sleep that humans need varies by age. In the early
years, your child will receive his recommended amount of sleep during
daytime naps and nighttime sleep. As he grows older, the total amount of
sleep will take place at night.
In “How Much Sleep Do Children Need?” Michael J. Breas, Ph.D., discusses
both the required amounts of sleep and the characteristics of sleep for
children at various stages. This section is informed by his article,
which appears on WebMD.
1 to 4 Weeks Old
Children this age need from 15.5 to 16.5 hours of sleep per day. Their
sleep doesn’t occur in any sort of “pattern.” It occurs randomly
throughout the day and night and is typically unaffected by what is
going on around them.
1 to 4 Months Old
During this period, children need to receive about 14.5 to 15.5 hours of
sleep per day. You will begin seeing a natural pattern emerging in your
baby’s sleep, consisting of two or three naps and a significant period
of sleep at night, with perhaps a “wake up” for a nighttime feeding or
changing.
4 to 12 Months Old
At this age, your baby needs between 14 and 15 hours of sleep daily. It
is important at this stage to notice your child’s own natural sleep
habits Use your observation of her needs to develop a sleep schedule for
her to follow. She is becoming much more social, and a predictable
schedule will make it easier for her to understand when it is “wake”
time and when it is “sleep” time.
While things may often interfere with this schedule, you need to try to
follow it as closely as you can to ensure that your baby is getting all
the sleep that she needs. Generally between the ages of nine and 12
months, your baby will drop from three naps per day to two and probably
won’t need a nighttime feeding. This will allow her (and you!) to get a
large, uninterrupted amount of sleep during the night.
1 to 3 Years Old
In the toddler years, a child needs between 12 and 14 hours of sleep per
day. The morning nap will disappear in the early part of this period and
the child will take an afternoon nap of approximately one to two hours
per day. The rest of his sleep will come during the night.
This is the age of transition from a bed to a crib, fears of monsters
and the dark, and for some, the development of a stubborn streak a mile
wide! All of these can contribute to sleep problems during the toddler
years.
However, making sure that your child gets adequate rest and continuing
to stick to your structured sleep routine will make this period less
difficult for both of you.
3 to 6 Years Old
Children in this age group need 10.75 to 12 hours of sleep per day. At
some point during this period, the nap will probably be eliminated and
all sleep will occur during the nighttime hours.
This is the age of “I need just one more drink of water. I have to pee
again. Just one more hug.... pul-eeeeese????” You’ll have to stick to
your guns if you don’t want this endless evening routine to take over
your life!
7 to 12 Years Old
These kids need 10 to 11 hours of sleep per day. School, friends,
electronic media and extra-curricular activities all work together to
rob your child of the sleep that he needs during these years. Parents
need to be diligent to ensure that sleep is at the top of the list of
priorities.
13 to 18 Years Old
Teens require from 8.25 to 9.5 hours of sleep per night. Again, other
activities such as school, sports and after-school jobs prevent teens
from receiving the sleep that they need to function at their optimum
level.
Parental monitoring is more difficult at this age, as teens do need to
cooperate in order to get the sleep that they need. Make sure that teens
understand how important sleep is to their overall well-being and
encourage them to get the amount that they need.
How do we prevent and solve sleep problems?
If most of us know what inadequate sleep does to us, why are so many
of our children in this predicament? In my experience as a family
educator, the issue of children and sleep comes up constantly. Here is
some of the advice that I usually provide:
Hang Ten on the Sleep Wave
In infancy, it is important to begin the practice of putting your baby
to bed when she is drowsy, but still awake. Don’t wait until she is
completely exhausted—just sleepy. This will get her used to going to bed
while awake and falling asleep unassisted.
In his book “Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child,” Mark Weissbluth, M.D.,
writes, “You want to catch the wave of drowsiness as it is rising to
enable your baby to have a long smooth ride to deep slumber. If your
timing is off and your wave crashes into an overtired state, then the
ride is bumpy and brief.”
Stick to Schedules
Remember to try to keep a predictable sleep schedule. Sending a child to
bed at 8 p.m. tonight and 11 p.m. tomorrow night and 9:30 p.m. the next
night makes sleep random and confusing. Your child may not be able to
tell time, but even toddlers can begin to understand that after dinner,
we play a game, clean up our toys, take a bath, read a book and,
finally, go to sleep.
The Times are A-changin’
There may come a time when you need to adjust your sleep schedule. Maybe
the nap is no longer required. By age 3, my son gave up his nap and
slept consistently from 7 p.m. to 7:30 a.m. He was happy, well behaved
and was still receiving the sleep that he needed, minus the nap.
“Work With Me, Here”
Sometimes, a child needs a later bedtime. Maybe she just isn’t tired at
7:30 p.m. after having had a two-hour nap. We can’t sleep if we’re not
tired! Try making bedtime a half hour later for about a week and see if
she falls asleep more easily. If you’re putting her to bed at 7:30 and
fighting with her for two hours, doesn’t it make more sense to wait
until she’s tired at 8 or 8:30 and have her fall asleep within minutes?
She’s going to bed later, but she’s getting more sleep.
Stop the Stimulants
Caffeine isn’t a terrific idea for kids to begin with, but it’s an awful
idea in the afternoon and evening hours. Remember, caffeine is not only
in soda, but also in unexpected places, such as chocolate.
No More “Just One More”
In his book “1-2-3 Magic,” psychologist and author Thomas W. Phelan,
Ph.D., discusses the importance of getting your child everything that
she could possibly need before you put her to bed.
Make sure she uses the bathroom, gets a drink of water and gives you all
the hugs and kisses that she wants. Once she’s in bed, she is not to get
up for “just one more thing.” If she does, she receives a consequence.
This doesn’t mean that she can’t get up in the middle of the night
because of a nightmare or to use the restroom. This just means that she
can’t get up BEFORE she has fallen asleep. (Unless the reason involves
blood or vomit, theirs or someone else’s... that’s the rule in my
house!)
Uncover Underlying Problems
Finally, if sleep problems persist, it may be time to consult a
physician. Family educator Susan Brown of Commonwealth Parenting says
that her own daughter had her tonsils and adenoids out and it made an
incredible difference in the quality of her sleep. Sometimes, these
sleep problems are beyond the child’s control and need to be properly
evaluated.
Sleep is so very important to your child’s (and your own!) overall
well-being. Keep this in mind, help your children to keep it in mind and
SWEET DREAMS!
Tracy Lewis is the family resource coordinator for Colonial Heights
Public Schools, a family educator for Commonwealth Parenting, and
co-author of the upcoming “1-2-3 Magic for Kids” with Dr. Thomas W.
Phelan. She lives in Sussex County with her husband and two children.
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