Richmond Parents Monthly | Family Magazine

the frumpy zone by colleen r. lee

Night of the Living Smoke Detectors

Did you know that October is Fire Prevention Month? I’m sorry to say that the last thing I think of in the Frumpy Zone is fire prevention.
Fortunately, my house is filled with high-tech smoke detectors that are hardwired into my walls, making them eerily intelligent. When the back-up battery starts to lose power, the detector automatically lets out a warning beep every 1.5 minutes until someone replaces the battery. Unfortunately, this always occurs in the middle of the night.
BEEEEP! My dog is the first to notice, thanks to her superhuman hearing ability. BEEEEEP! She jumps on my stomach and starts shaking—all 38 pounds of her.
Then I hear it: BEEP. I wait. There it is again, BEEP. I roll over, nudge my husband and he gets up and handles it. (That’s one of the perks of being married. He kills the bugs, takes care of all vehicle maintenance and gets up when something goes BEEP in the night.)
But last week, my husband was out of town.
BEEP, THUMP, OOF, SHAKE! I rolled over and nudged. One-and-a-half minutes later...BEEP, SHAKE, SHAKE, WHINE! I rolled over again and—Oh crap! My husband’s not here. Well… OK, now what?
I stumbled downstairs to put the dog outside so she wouldn’t have a heart attack. While I fumbled around in the dark for her leash, she ran away in a fear-induced frenzy. After muttering some choice words, I headed back upstairs to deal with the BEEP.
I soon discovered that there was no way to tell which detector was beeping. They seemed to be taking turns.
Internal Communication Data from the Smoke Detector Gang:

BEEP! Hey Joe, here she comes, your turn.

BEEP! Pass it on! Burt, let Joyce take over.

BEEP! I got it from here, boys, my battery’s feeling a little low.
For a good 30 minutes I stumbled around, climbing the kids’ stool, ripping detectors off the wall, prying out 9-volts, tripping back downstairs, looking for the dog, and digging through the battery box.
Three detectors later, I finally found the culprit! I waited the requisite 1.5 minutes... No beep. I held my breath for another 1.5 minutes... Still no beep!
Stealthily, I climbed off my stool. Silence reigned, until I heard the scratching at the door. My dog returned, her nervous breakdown complete. I climbed back into bed and snuggled down under the covers.
Hey boys, she’s back in bed. Anyone else need a new battery?
BEEEEEEEP!

Top Fire Prevention Tips

•Don’t leave cooking food on the stovetop unattended.

•Keep space heaters 3 feet from anything that can burn.

•Ask smokers to smoke outside.

•Keep matches and lighters out of the reach of children.

•Inspect electrical cords and repair or replace loose or frayed cords.

•Extinguish candles when leaving a room or going to sleep.

Source: National Fire Protection
Association, http://www.nfpa.org

Richmond-area writer and teacher Colleen R. Lee lives with her husband and three kids in the Frumpy Zone. Visit her at www.thefrumpyzone.blogspot.com

Archives: