hannah help me! By Hannah Keeley

Toddler Isn’t Feeling the Puppy Love

Q We just got a new puppy in the family and everyone just loves him—except for my youngest. It’s really strange. My 2-year-old follows him around and pets him often, but every now and then she kicks him for no good reason at all. I have done everything I can think of. Hannah, help me!

A It sounds like you may have a pecking order going on in your home. Sometimes when we introduce a new family member (and, yes, a puppy counts as a family member), the whole family unit goes into a mini-reshuffling. Your youngest may completely love the new puppy but just has to teach him who’s boss.
First, don’t leave the two of them alone. It may seem like a big inconvenience, but it is only temporary. Believe me, these things never last. Stay close by just in case your 2-year-old gets that gleam in her eye and gets in a fighting stance.
Second, don’t respond with harshness. Yelling at or spanking your child will only create hostility and resentment toward the new puppy. Keep reminding yourself that this behavior has nothing to do with how she feels about the pet, but how she feels about her place in the family.
Third, be positive. Instead of saying, “Don’t hit” or “Don’t be mean,” say phrases such as “Be kind,” “Be soft” and “Be loving.” Be a good role model and show how to stroke the puppy.
Often puppies play with a lot of vigor. As adults, we know how to judge the intensity of this play, but the average 2-year-old cannot. Keep this in mind when having “puppy playtime.” Your youngest may be trying to engage with the puppy by mimicking the roughness she perceives it to be using. Be overtly soft and gentle so that she can mimic the desired behavior.
Hopefully, this helps and the new family order will be well established soon.

Q The messy house is driving me crazy! I just can’t seem to keep up with the chores, the kids, the meals and everything in between. The kids constantly leave their things lying around and they don’t think twice about trashing one room and moving on to another. I wish they would respect their home a little bit more. Meanwhile, I am totally frazzled. Hannah, help me!

A Thanks for the question, but I have a question for you: Who is cleaning it up?
We all learn from reinforcement. If I had someone picking up my messes, I would learn very quickly to keep leaving them around. My guess (and I’m pretty good at this) is that you are the one running after them trying to clean up, pick up and pull your hair out at the same time.
You need to get some order to the situation, quickly. A family without structure is a family in chaos. Divide up the chores and divvy them out. Everyone in a family, down to the youngest toddler, can help.
One good idea is to have a family meeting about helping out around the house (after all, if you share the house, you should share the housekeeping). After that, post a list of daily chores somewhere conspicuous.
And finally—and most importantly—stick to it. If the chores are neglected, then the privileges are gone. Despite what most teenagers seem to think, cell phones, video games and car keys are not necessities. Sometimes a mama just has to put her foot down. By the way it sounds, I think you putting your foot down is much better than losing your head.
Remember also that when it comes to family housekeeping, it can be difficult to work as a unit. Some standards need to be raised and some need to be lowered. But I feel it in my gut that somewhere in this situation there is a happy medium. And I bet with a little teamwork, you’ll be able to find it.