hannah help me! By Hannah Keeley

Give Reluctant Athlete a Sporting Chance

Q I really want to get my 10-year-old son involved in sports, but I’m about ready to give up. He’s miserable no matter what we put him in—soccer, basketball, you name it. Sports are very important to me because I think it teaches kids a lot about teamwork. Should I insist he get involved or just leave him alone? Hannah, help me!

A I’ve struggled with this same issue on many occasions. I have those kids that get their uniform and want to sleep in it because they are so excited about playing sports. And then I have those kids who would rather pick flowers on the sideline.

 You’re absolutely right that sports are an excellent way of teaching kids about teamwork. And in a time when childhood obesity and inactivity is at an all-time high, it is also a great way to keep a child active.

I believe that during the elementary years, parents should insist on some type of athletic involvement for their child. But remember that athletics can take many different forms. If a child isn’t interested in soccer, then there are a myriad of other sports to try out—kickboxing, swimming, fencing, boating, volleyball and many, many more. Your child may best fit into one of those “other” categories. So keep trying different outlets.

Once they are in middle school, however, most children have a better grasp on where their natural talents and abilities lie.

If they don’t want to get involved in sports, then look for other ways to foster teamwork. They could always volunteer at a charity or work with their youth group at church. They could take group art classes or sign up to be part of a club at school.

The important thing is that they remain involved at some level, as well as get enough exercise—and, yes, playing tag in the front yard can be considered good exercise!

Q My teenager talks so rudely to me and my husband. She just started doing it and I’m hoping she will grow out of this phase soon, but it’s driving us crazy. She sneers and talks down to us and is extremely sarcastic. I can’t take this much longer. Hannah, help me!

A

Aretha Franklin already spelled it out for us: R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Your job as a parent is not to endure your teenager but to help her grow into a responsible adult.
 
At some time or another, most teenagers go through the “my stupid parents don’t know anything and how could I possibly have been born to bigger idiots” phase. Your daughter is currently entrenched in it. I can tell you this: she will outgrow it. However, what to do in the meantime?
 
Don’t make the mistake of thinking that you just need to ride it out. As a parent, it is your responsibility to discipline with a loving heart. I love my children too much to see them act in a way that is damaging to their character. And this love has forced them to remain home instead of going to a friend’s house; it has snatched away cell phones; it has even taken away (gasp!) computer privileges.
 
Exercise your veto power as parent, but don’t push so hard that you create more distance between you and your child—once again, the age-old search for balance.
 
Know the difference between tolerating behavior and allowing behavior. Allowing behavior means you condone it, which is what you don’t want. So, don’t just look the other way and let it go. Tolerating behavior means you do not let yourself get torn up over it but you will set and enforce consequences.
 
The teenage years can be trying, but they can also be enjoyable. Make time for activities that involve you and your teenager—mountain climbing, hiking, anything that means communication and involvement is your best bet. Here’s to teens!